Mid Life Crisis...

 It seems I find myself having a Mid Life Crisis of sorts, AFTER my mid life has passed!  For 30 years, I lived as a single woman, always hoping and praying that there would be someone for me even as I neared the half century mark.  I kept my life very busy with work, family, friends, pro-life activities and political friends and activities.  I had spent years cultivating a life that held meaning and purpose for me, always with an eye towards the future in hope that even yet, there would be someone for me.  

Then, almost overnight, I began a relationship with Rob and we were married five months later.  My life changed completely in very short order.

I got married.

I moved.

Covid happend the next year.

I changed jobs due to Covid.  I went from working in Overland Park, to driving in the total opposite direction to work in Lawrence. 

All this time we have been in a constant state of flux remodeling the house and cleaning up the property.

I quit being involved politically like I was.

I no longer have my music business due to Covid.

I quit attending Nall Ave Baptist Church where I loved playing piano due to Covid.

I thought I was only going to have work like this for one year, then I could ease up on working and focus on my music business and being a wife.  Didn't happen.

I went through Menopause.

I had a new family, who I love, to be around.  (One of the positives)

And I wonder why I feel so lost?  I'm still trying to find my footing!  

Our world has changed so drastically in four years.  Not only did my personal world change completely, but the entire world has changed.  And alot of the change will never go back to the way it was.  

The Apostle Paul felt the pangs of this life when he wrote "...we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life.  yes, we have the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us..."

Having a marriage finally means that I have accomplished one of the deepest longings of my heart.  Now, to build the marriage and deepen it is the priority.  

But, what do I strive TOWARDS now?  My time on this earth shrinks each day!  This reality has become clearer to me and distresses me.  There are so many things I still want to do!  And I'm stuck in a job that has no end.  It's just a J-O-B.  Can I trust God with all of my desires yet unfulfilled?  Can I trust him when the marriage is not a fairy tale?  (No marriage is, by the way).  Can I trust him with my list of dreams?  Longings?  

I believe I CAN!  The same God who delivered Paul, WILL deliver me.  He will deliver me from myself.  My selfishness, my shortsidedness.  He will aid me and bring me into His glorious kindom someday.